Do you have know-it-all friends who, whenever they drop over for a visit, think nothing of dropping hints that a certain feature of your yard doesn't quite meet with their approval? Then there are the nosey neighbors who are always asking why you did (or failed to do) this or that in your landscaping, right? Their queries, too, are nothing more than thinly veiled criticisms of your landscaping skill. I don't even have to ask you if you'd take great satisfaction in flooring these folks occasionally with funny comeback lines, because I'm sure you would.
Well, this article is for you. Let's face it, not everyone wants to "keep up with the Joneses." If you're something of a landscaping lazy bones, you probably can't be bothered with dotting every last "i" and crossing every last "t" in your landscape. And you get pretty annoyed with people who stick their big noses into your backyard business.
The problem is, at the time when these nitpickers deliver their unwanted critiques, you can't think of anything witty to say in reply (while remaining civil, that is). Well, now there's no need ever to be at a loss for words again. The following is a list of 10 annoying questions, paired off with 10 funny comeback lines you can use in response. Bookmark this page and review it now and then. It's just a matter of time until you'll need to use one of these funny comeback lines on an obnoxious friend or neighbor:
10 Funny Comeback Lines for the Landscaping Lazy Bones
- Question: "Why are you letting those dandelions take over your lawn?"
- Answer: "I harvest dandelion greens and sell them as a gourmet salad ingredient. I make dandelion wine from the blossoms and sell that, too. It's a good second income."
- Question: "I see your asphalt driveway is starting to crack. Aren't you worried?"
- Answer: "Oh, those aren't real cracks. I've applied an antique crackling spray to the driveway to age it and give it some character."
- Question: "You've got a panel missing in your wood fence. Aren't you going to replace it?"
- Answer: "What, that? That's a cat door. When our cat wants to visit over at the neighbor's, it's much safer having her go through the fence than using the road."
- Question: "Aren't those plastic flowers you've stuck into the ground a tad tacky?"
- Answer: "Haven't you ever heard of 'xeriscape landscaping?' They may not look like much, but those flowers are completely drought-tolerant."
- Question: "Are you going to try to get rid of the crabgrass in your lawn?"
- Answer: "No, the National Lawn Association has me conducting an experiment on the compatibility of different grass types."
- Question: "Is all that algae supposed to be growing in your water feature?"
- Answer: "Sure. Everyone told me I should 'go green' and have a naturalistic pond. Last time I checked, algae was natural -- and very green!"
- Question: "What's with the redneck tire planters flanking your driveway?"
- Answer: "They're part of a waste recycling program my son signed up for at school. The program finds good homes for old tires that would otherwise end up at the landfill."
- Question: "Why is your lawn grass so tall? Is your mower broken?"
- Answer: "No, I've joined the National Fuel Conservation Coalition. Our members vow to cut back on mowing by 50% to conserve on energy."
- Question: "Your gutters are filling up with leaves, and the leaves are starting to rot. Why don't you clean them out at the same time you rake leaves in the fall, the way I do?"
- Answer: "Oh, those aren't really gutters. They're actually part of an aerial composting system. The leaves are supposed to rot up there."
- Question: "Why do you leave that rusty old car out on your lawn?"
- Answer: "Don't you keep up with trends in modern decor? Why, that's yard art!"
Mind you, by arming the landscaping lazy bones with these funny comeback lines, I am in no way necessarily endorsing the indolence implied therein. In the final analysis, perhaps these funny comeback lines are really intended for use only by April fools!